walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
