Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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