I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
did i walk over a car last night?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize