Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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