I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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