She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
