we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
