dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
