My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
