Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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