I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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