You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
