She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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