plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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