are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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