He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
