you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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