Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
