You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
