OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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