I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
