In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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