I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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