I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
