Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
