The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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