Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize