I wanna bring you to show and tell
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
