I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
