I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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