This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I will pee on everything he values.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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