the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
