you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
