she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
