Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
