Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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