I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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