I want you more than these girls want KFC
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
