You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
