Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
