Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
