sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
