david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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