Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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