just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
