so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
