i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize