Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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