i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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