Cold hands, warm shart.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I know her cup size but not her name....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
