my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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