The maid of honor just puked.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
