I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
