Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
