Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think my moral compass just broke
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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