You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
