Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
