People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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