The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
