we have pet lesbian snakes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
