so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
