You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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