There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
