Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
