i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
