grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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