Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
