I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
