break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
