It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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