2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
