i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize