I didn't shave. On purpose
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
