i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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