I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
