Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
