I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
