OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize