im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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