i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
