I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
