that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
No stitches, just platelets and will power
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
