I'm really into asian looking animals
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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