Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
