Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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