You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
