Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
