i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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