I wish my penis had an off switch
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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