By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we're so committed to being not committed
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
