I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
