i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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