theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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