i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
