Need sex. Gaining weight.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
